californ-i-a, again

last books i've read: the notebook and the wedding, both by nicholas sparks
band currently caressing my ears: none in particular, just my convalescent (loud) playlist
general mood: geeky with a touch of sleepiness
quote i just thought of: "you remember that song, "Didn't Leave Nobody But The Baby"- by Gillian Welch, Alison Krauss & Emmylou Harris? on the O Brother sountrack? it's about leaving a baby in a field to die because the family was too poor to support it." --a fark discussion on abortion, with this quote sticking out in my mind. i liked that song.

i'm in california again, no surprise there. i can't help myself, with such good weather and good company. and of course, good eats. i'll be here for at least two weeks yet, and there are things to look forward to - raging waters (waterpark), going to LA to visit way's dad, and eating as much food as physically possible without puking, or in amadea's case, feeling really sick. makes for real good times.

i decided to go for a new font for the heck of it, i used to be enthralled with how different each one looked, so here goes. i talked to a number of folks before my flight to california. i talked to marcott's, sammy, and melissa. mostly good things, but yeah, here's an overview.

marcott's, june 26th - polly, brandon's mom, had asked my dad if i would like to visit sometime, so i called and woopdidoo, i went to their house to visit. i really enjoyed talking and catching up with buck and polly, and even brandon and angie (notorious gf). we discussed our lives for that past year, as i'm sure i haven't seen them in as long, and about my summer plans, which entailed much unplanned travelling. they were surprised at my closeness to wayland, which is to be expected, but if they knew the kid, they'd understand. we then looked over pictures from the past two years, and i was happy to see brandon's activities while i had been away. reminiscing was good for me, makes me feel a part of things again, even if i'm not.

sam, june 27th - sam and i went to wausau like old times. we even did a little shopping, and ate at culver's. it was great because we blared ska, the insyderz, all throughout our trip. ahhhh, so many good times. i am glad i finally caught up with her, despite her status of not single and completely consumed. i love her to death and even if we don't talk and see each other, we know that it's gonna be fine, and we'll be cool. i love it. no pressure, and no offenses taken. i miss that girl.

melissa, june 27th, late at night - i called her because we definitely needed to talk, and i knew she was unhappy with me for not keeping in good contact with her the past few months. i didn't realize the extent to which she ewas unhappy, but i finally found out. i realized that my stupid promises were just waiting to be broken, and were. i told her i'd call her once a week like i did with sam, and i never ended up following through with either one. what killed melissa is that i didn't attempt whatsoever - no call to tell her i was busy with my classes and much homework, no call to see how she was even if it was for 5 minutes. i failed in this instance, but i feel like it wasn't completely my fault (rarely is anything ever just one person's fault). she never called me either, out of stubbornness, pride, and a desire for me to follow through with my promises, i'm sure. i missed out on a lot, and after talking to her, i realized how serious i had been taken, and how much i wished i had kept my promise. yeah, i messed up, it seems frequent and i never get rest from it, but i won't let it keep me down.

the things that gets me is that i made the same promise to two different people, and thankfully, i got two different reactions. sam let it go, forgave me, and didn't bat an eye; melissa held onto it, hoping i'd follow through and was frustrated when i didn't. i know, i did mess up, but, i hope she'll forgive me as sam did, and allow everything to be fine again. it's hard to be close to someone you never see....

and now, i'm in california again. melissa had hoped i could visit her, but i ask: would she ever make the trip home just to see her friends? i'm thinking not, which doesn't make me want to visit any less, but it makes me think, i always seem to think more than i should. oh well. i love it here, and i have no regrets, despite that fact that others may think i should.