last book i've read: rereading the mastery of love by ruiz
currently caressing my ears: hip hop to blast
general mood: fascination mixed with deep melancholy
quote: “The fascination of what's difficult has dried the sap out of my veins, and rent spontaneous joy and natural content out of my heart.” --William Butler Yeats
Beats per minute (BPM) is a unit typically used as either a measure of tempo in music, or a measure of one's heart rate. A rate of 60 bpm means that one beat will occur every second. One bpm is equal to 1 Hz.
The last 10 months of my life have been the most bipolar I've ever been. And now, without Andy, I hope that ends. I'm used to constant stability, comfort, and consistency with smart suggestions. I just needed to get off the rollercoaster in my mind. Done.
My inner battles consist of learning to be alone, though I've successfully done that before. It's just the demons in my mind telling me how sad I am, when really this is so good for me. He'll be all right, and eventually so will I. Just wish that time was sooner than later. I'm learning patience as well.
One of these days I'll learn to meditate properly!
31 July 2008
11 July 2008
life's promotion
last book i've read: water for elephants by sara gruen
currently caressing my ears: bloc party and beck's new album modern guilt
general mood: luminous
quote: "Kiss me before it all gets complicated." --bloc party, plans
When I first started with LSS, I thought that position was the most challenging there was: float relief. No set hours, no home program, just filling in hours for other programs. I thought those people were crazy and how could they plan anything?
Until I actually did float relief for a month. Picked up shifts from all over Winnebago county to see where I wanted to work full-time. Picked a program, applied for PMs, and it all worked out. Until I got the itch to move up to float relief, especially after one of my favorite program managers suggested I do that. A little better pay, interesting hours and people to meet, and for me, a sense of accomplishment. I'm doing what I thought I couldn't handle.
So, that's my personal "promotion". I applied for a somewhat more challenging position in my line of work. I'm happy I got it, and that's not the only thing working out for me these days.
I'm also going to try my hand at being a live-in with minimal hands-on care for an 88-year-old lady who lives south of Oshkosh. In exchange for her four daughters collective peace of mind, I get free rent, negotiable utilities, a garage for my car (finally!!), an upper all to myself, and 4 acres to roam. I was just offered that place yesterday. I'm really looking forward to all the cool people I'm going to meet.
Gotta love when the puzzle pieces fit into place.
currently caressing my ears: bloc party and beck's new album modern guilt
general mood: luminous
quote: "Kiss me before it all gets complicated." --bloc party, plans
When I first started with LSS, I thought that position was the most challenging there was: float relief. No set hours, no home program, just filling in hours for other programs. I thought those people were crazy and how could they plan anything?
Until I actually did float relief for a month. Picked up shifts from all over Winnebago county to see where I wanted to work full-time. Picked a program, applied for PMs, and it all worked out. Until I got the itch to move up to float relief, especially after one of my favorite program managers suggested I do that. A little better pay, interesting hours and people to meet, and for me, a sense of accomplishment. I'm doing what I thought I couldn't handle.
So, that's my personal "promotion". I applied for a somewhat more challenging position in my line of work. I'm happy I got it, and that's not the only thing working out for me these days.
I'm also going to try my hand at being a live-in with minimal hands-on care for an 88-year-old lady who lives south of Oshkosh. In exchange for her four daughters collective peace of mind, I get free rent, negotiable utilities, a garage for my car (finally!!), an upper all to myself, and 4 acres to roam. I was just offered that place yesterday. I'm really looking forward to all the cool people I'm going to meet.
Gotta love when the puzzle pieces fit into place.
08 July 2008
the definition of disdain
last book i've read: the 10 point list I made for tomorrow's life adventures
currently caressing my ears: my created editors station on pandora.com (currently silversun pickup's lazy eye)
general mood: I was frustrated, disappointed, feeling ugly
quote: "Give me more love or more disdain; the torrid or the frozen zone." --Thomas Carew
n. the feeling that someone or something is unworthy of one's consideration or respect; contempt.
v. consider to be unworthy of one's consideration; refuse or reject out of feelings of pride or superiority.
Now I know, and sure that can't feel good. I guess it's a tad strong. But true? I'm a very sad girl I guess. And your funk magnified my loneliness and insecurities. I wish we spoke the same language, we are on different planes, different levels of existence sometimes. I'm ready to fly away now.
currently caressing my ears: my created editors station on pandora.com (currently silversun pickup's lazy eye)
general mood: I was frustrated, disappointed, feeling ugly
quote: "Give me more love or more disdain; the torrid or the frozen zone." --Thomas Carew
n. the feeling that someone or something is unworthy of one's consideration or respect; contempt.
v. consider to be unworthy of one's consideration; refuse or reject out of feelings of pride or superiority.
Now I know, and sure that can't feel good. I guess it's a tad strong. But true? I'm a very sad girl I guess. And your funk magnified my loneliness and insecurities. I wish we spoke the same language, we are on different planes, different levels of existence sometimes. I'm ready to fly away now.
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