last book i've read: my Social Psychology textbook
music currently caressing my ears: Gipsy Kings. I love the guitar.
general mood: discontentment
quote i just thought of: "Never forget this: Cheese and loose lips can act all superior." --one of random mixed quotes you can get from Weebls toons.
It's the end of 8th week. Who's not sick of all this by now? Not only are there the classes, the exams, the work, but there's the drama, the frustration of selfish roommates, the loose ends that don't get tied. So soon to be dealt with.... in theory. I hope it all ends today, that is my only desire. Otherwise I'm not the only one that will break. And then you'll really get a piece of my mind....
Besides that, I am doing quite well. I have been reframing my thinking into something more productive and helpful to my psyche than previously. I focus more on those things in my life that I consider good, great, wonderful. And there are many: the love of my life, my roommie Sarah, my good friends here at school (Catie, Linkie, Lauren, Katrina), my friends at home, my family, the women's group I help facilitate at the SACC, the research project with Adam and Anneli.... the children I get to interact with! You begin to take these good things for granted, and I don't want to do that anymore. Thus, I haven't. It's been great.
I am hopeful that this term will end with closure on things that needed it, and I will be ready to have Kat back.... cheers.
25 February 2005
11 February 2005
Hallelujah
last book i've read: Pigs for the Ancestors by Roy Rappaport
music currently caressing my ears: seagulls? sounds like it.
general mood: rejuvenated and warm
quote i just thought of: "I feel safe, I feel warm. When you're here, when I do no wrong...." --Coldplay
I talked to Catie yesterday. I haven't felt so relieved and joyful and just plain good in such a long time. We weren't mad at each other, it was more like "sad" at each other. She went home for break, and I was left here, wondering and waiting and then finally.... along with Kathleen, I realized it. Feeling left out and full of sadness over something simple, I came to realize how much my relationship with Catie means to me, and how willing I am to call her and talk to her, even if it was a little scary, even if my thoughts were completely jumbled. All it took was 10 minutes versus the two days that I've been feeling crappy about the situation. I'm glad I took that risk. The smile in her voice made it more than worth it.
This Saturday there is going to be some serious skiing done at Indianhead in the UP of Michigan. I invited Wayland, who is a beginner, and probably won't be pushing himself too hard. My family and I, on the other hand, prefer those runs that make you sick to your stomach just to look down.... I'm so excited. The weather is going to be great, being with boy will be great, and of course seeing my family will be great. Wow, I almost sound thrilled.... perhaps reading period won't be such a drag with homework and work, but rather it will be filled with the joys of being with those I love.
music currently caressing my ears: seagulls? sounds like it.
general mood: rejuvenated and warm
quote i just thought of: "I feel safe, I feel warm. When you're here, when I do no wrong...." --Coldplay
I talked to Catie yesterday. I haven't felt so relieved and joyful and just plain good in such a long time. We weren't mad at each other, it was more like "sad" at each other. She went home for break, and I was left here, wondering and waiting and then finally.... along with Kathleen, I realized it. Feeling left out and full of sadness over something simple, I came to realize how much my relationship with Catie means to me, and how willing I am to call her and talk to her, even if it was a little scary, even if my thoughts were completely jumbled. All it took was 10 minutes versus the two days that I've been feeling crappy about the situation. I'm glad I took that risk. The smile in her voice made it more than worth it.
This Saturday there is going to be some serious skiing done at Indianhead in the UP of Michigan. I invited Wayland, who is a beginner, and probably won't be pushing himself too hard. My family and I, on the other hand, prefer those runs that make you sick to your stomach just to look down.... I'm so excited. The weather is going to be great, being with boy will be great, and of course seeing my family will be great. Wow, I almost sound thrilled.... perhaps reading period won't be such a drag with homework and work, but rather it will be filled with the joys of being with those I love.
09 February 2005
Speak
last book i've read: Speak by Laurie Halls Anderson
music currently caressing my ears: my computer humming
general mood: scared and blah
quote i just thought of: I got nothin.
I never realized how unreliant aol instant messenger is until I first realized that it has slowly become the only way people, namely college students, talk to each other. A friend recently pointed out that aim conversations should be limited to harmless, unimportant things, not conversations that are meaningful and deserve a face-to-face confrontation. Because of this fact, I have come to realize just how much I rely on a messenger service that has only left me feeling empty and useless. I make plans over aim, I discuss boys over aim, I have arguments over aim, and have only now come to realize how useless it all is. Also due to recent events, I feel as though we all need to spend more time with each other rather than saying over aim how we feel when we all know that getting together is so much more fruitful, straightforward, and meaningful. But I am not perfect, and also based on aim conversations, I have been angry, let down, hurt, etc., only to find that my feelings are misplaced due to bad communication over aim. It's a sad day when I realize that I've made a mistake due to some flimsy means of communication when what I truly prize are those heart-to-heart conversations with those I care about. Also thanks to someone's recent comment, I will not be spending as much time on aim and will rather go out and meet with my friends or at least call them when I need to talk. I hope this proves more effective and still bridges the gap I would otherwise feel here. Anyone else willing to try?
music currently caressing my ears: my computer humming
general mood: scared and blah
quote i just thought of: I got nothin.
I never realized how unreliant aol instant messenger is until I first realized that it has slowly become the only way people, namely college students, talk to each other. A friend recently pointed out that aim conversations should be limited to harmless, unimportant things, not conversations that are meaningful and deserve a face-to-face confrontation. Because of this fact, I have come to realize just how much I rely on a messenger service that has only left me feeling empty and useless. I make plans over aim, I discuss boys over aim, I have arguments over aim, and have only now come to realize how useless it all is. Also due to recent events, I feel as though we all need to spend more time with each other rather than saying over aim how we feel when we all know that getting together is so much more fruitful, straightforward, and meaningful. But I am not perfect, and also based on aim conversations, I have been angry, let down, hurt, etc., only to find that my feelings are misplaced due to bad communication over aim. It's a sad day when I realize that I've made a mistake due to some flimsy means of communication when what I truly prize are those heart-to-heart conversations with those I care about. Also thanks to someone's recent comment, I will not be spending as much time on aim and will rather go out and meet with my friends or at least call them when I need to talk. I hope this proves more effective and still bridges the gap I would otherwise feel here. Anyone else willing to try?
05 February 2005
Heaven and Hell
last book i've read: Speak by Laurie Halls Anderson
music currently caressing my ears: the sound of Wayland's voice
general mood: it's been a pretty crappy day.... crappy.
quote i just thought of: "And I'm afraid, and I can't breathe, and I'm in love with you, but you are not with me. And I have put so much into a life, I made too much about you now to lie...." --Rachael Yamagata
Tonight's the Heaven and Hell party put on by Phi Kappa Tau, which should be fun. It consists of the signature loud rap/grinding music in the basement (hell) and on the first floor, a live jazz quartet (heaven). I tend to stay away from the basement and linger more around the jazz, it's nice to hear good live music once in a while. I hope it will be a good time.
Honestly, it's hard to see my friends suffer and hurt, especially over the boys in their lives. I guess it's inevitable that we'd all complain about it at some point. I mean, boys will be boys. Besides that, the ways we all tell ourselves things will change, or get better, or get worse.... how do we really know how things will go? We can only put one foot in front of the next and hope we don't fall into the valley that seems all too inevitable. This reminds me of The Story of Us: "I think the loudest silences are the ones filled with everthing that's been said. Said wrong, said 3,000 times, until fighting becomes the condition rather than the exception. And your only option is a silent retreat to neutral corners." I hope things don't come to that for most of my friends. It's just so hard to keep boys in check sometimes....
Time for the party.... hope the jazz will cheer me up. Ladies, I hope that our lives don't consist of so many ups and downs that we can't see past them to the good times. Thinking of you....
music currently caressing my ears: the sound of Wayland's voice
general mood: it's been a pretty crappy day.... crappy.
quote i just thought of: "And I'm afraid, and I can't breathe, and I'm in love with you, but you are not with me. And I have put so much into a life, I made too much about you now to lie...." --Rachael Yamagata
Tonight's the Heaven and Hell party put on by Phi Kappa Tau, which should be fun. It consists of the signature loud rap/grinding music in the basement (hell) and on the first floor, a live jazz quartet (heaven). I tend to stay away from the basement and linger more around the jazz, it's nice to hear good live music once in a while. I hope it will be a good time.
Honestly, it's hard to see my friends suffer and hurt, especially over the boys in their lives. I guess it's inevitable that we'd all complain about it at some point. I mean, boys will be boys. Besides that, the ways we all tell ourselves things will change, or get better, or get worse.... how do we really know how things will go? We can only put one foot in front of the next and hope we don't fall into the valley that seems all too inevitable. This reminds me of The Story of Us: "I think the loudest silences are the ones filled with everthing that's been said. Said wrong, said 3,000 times, until fighting becomes the condition rather than the exception. And your only option is a silent retreat to neutral corners." I hope things don't come to that for most of my friends. It's just so hard to keep boys in check sometimes....
Time for the party.... hope the jazz will cheer me up. Ladies, I hope that our lives don't consist of so many ups and downs that we can't see past them to the good times. Thinking of you....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
