missing you's the hardest thing to do

last book i've read: rereading Ruiz's The Mastery of Love for only like the fifth time in a year
currently caressing my ears: a playlist of sad songs I made this morning - missing you's the hardest thing to do
general mood: nostalgic, content
quote: "Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart." --Washington Irving

I am surrounded by love. This last week I dipped into a depression I haven't felt in years. I felt low, small, useless, and mostly loveless. That my love was all wrong and hurt and that I only wanted to make things feel good again. It included being haunted by love past. I felt like I could never do anything right, and like I kept screwing up the most important parts of my life. On top of that, work was kicking my butt, I was away from my newest crush after leaving the east coast, and I kept dreaming of things, people, and places far away from where I live now. I was thick in nostalgia.

But I've let it go again. Let go of the feeling like I'm screwing up, and just realizing that it is what it is. Rereading Ruiz is always a good life choice, and the people I surround myself with continually give me a firm foundation to fall back on, a shoulder to cry on, and a kind word to build my poor low soul.

I reconnected with Andy post-tour, he reminds me of why I became healthier and also of how sensual I am; not sexual, but truly how I rely on my senses to guide me. I've spent more time with Tony, who derives as much pleasure from music as I do, who I have an unnatural spiritual connection with, someone I find ease being around and talking to. We're peas in a pod. :) He goes to watch Jazz Orgy with me, and we chat about anything and everything. I love finding kindred spirits.

On an observatory side note, why is that everywhere I go, I find someone I want to share my soul with? Not just ordinary men, but men I am so very intrigued by. I am glad to spread my warmth, sharing's always been my thing.

the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs

last book i've read: The Girl with the Flammable Skirt by Aimee Bender and Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer
currently caressing my ears: Pandora.com, the editors radio
general mood: delighted, loved
quote: “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.” --Washington Irving

I'll condense the last few months. Andy and I still hang out; I love my friends; I moved into a new place with Kristina, one of my favorites; I have fallen in love twice, fallen out once; and am looking forward to meeting my baby niece Olivia Paige, introduced to this world August 31st. Just another virgo to add to my list of awesome virgos in my life!

In a few days I am road trippin' with my friend Pete. He is one of those phenomenal forces in my life, I don't think he even knows. He just makes me smile and carries me through my worst days. I am such a sucker, but we all kinda knew that....

Kristina is another one of those phenomenal forces in my life. Same thing, carries me through my worst only to shine bright and make me laugh. I moved in with her when things with Wolga didn't work according to plan. As in, the family failed to inform me how deep in demential Wolga was, and thus I would have been taking on another full-time job. Not my cup of tea. Good thing is K needed a roommate, and I was facing homelessness soon if I didn't find somewhere to live. K took me in, and along with Phil, we make a nice little family. Quiet, homebodies, loners at times, but quirky us all the same. K's 21st was some of the most fun I've had in a while. Since then, I've been rollercoastin', but it's been fun for the most part. Just figuring life out, letting it handle me, then taking back the night, taking it all back.

I am currently trying to cleanse, but failing miserably while at work, due to the fact that there is chocolate available for the taking for staff. And my self-control can only handle so much before I give in. To exactly three fun size bags of m&ms and four mini snickers bars. So much for cleaning my body from toxins, so much for discipline!

I've also met some pretty great people in the last few days. I went to New Moon to study flying stuffs and there was a man named Eric Nassau from Ohio just playing guitar and doing his thing. I enjoyed the tunes, not to mention the other cool people I met: Samuel, Jodie, and Tony. New souls to learn from.

And that's the jist of life. I am learning, always learning from others around me. I don't claim to know it all, but my experiences have left me with renewed curiosity in others, and faith that the human spirit is resilient.