last book i've read: my poetry
currently caressing my ears: remix of imperfection, fb
general mood: floating
quote: "I don't understand people who like to work and talk about it like it was some sort of goddamn duty. Doing nothing feels like floating on warm water to me. Delightful, perfect." --Ava Gardner
foolish to believe the lie
you type to the screen, searching for answers
so then what's my part? do I get any part of your heart?
does the new paradigm win
while I continue to regret my choices, post-sin
knowing I may have already lost
the warmth you gave
trust in the feeling
knowing what you're creating
intending the best of times
while staring into brown eyes
the cold hollow of rejection, your lack of trusting affection
how long do we suffer for our sins?
what happens when your new life begins?
erasing the spot where I used to be
forgot that love never comes so easy
replacing these walls for some kind of free
carefully constructed sentiments stumbling over rambling roads
this isn't over, and you were meant to be wild, like the wind in my hair
life, never fair.
06 December 2007
03 December 2007
carefully constructed sentiments
last book i've read: FAR/AIM by the FAA, some of my own poetry
currently caressing my ears: Andy's TV
general mood: bright
quote: "Don't go for the looks, it can be quite deceiving. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away - go for someone who makes you smile because only a smile makes a dark day seem bright. Hope you find that person." --Anonymous
I met an interesting soul yesterday. A Lawrence professor named John Daniel, the guest musician with Jazz Orgy at Peabody's last evening. I think perhaps he was the most lonely person I've ever met. Granted, his brand of lonely was self-described as a necessary means for navigating through society. Makes you remember that other people's situations are far less fortunate than your own, and no matter where we come from, we persist, we carry on. Life goes on, there are signs all around that that sentiment will nearly always ring true.
He discussed with me a small number of his life experiences: with his trumpet, a mysterious woman that entered his life through equally mysterious (but understandable) means, and his studies and hope for his future direction. He seemed apologetic for taking my time, though I gave it willingly and longed only to listen, no other expectation. I only wonder why he felt so comfortable with me, and I'm sure he's wondering the same as well. I hope I run into him again in the near future.
I've also thought a bit about web community profiles and how their use promotes the community's accepted purposes. I don't claim to be an expert at any of them, the social ones, the dating ones, the discussion board ones, or any other. I do know, however, that they function in making us feel accepted, desired, and I wonder how much of that we can rely on. I suspect that the 2% of ourselves present on any profile should be interpreted as such, and that one can only really get to know another through other means of correspondence, and most importantly, face to face. I have addressed this previously, but it remains an important part of any computer-savvy person's life. I prefer to keep things in perspective.
Anyway, this entry veils my true reasons for writing. I think my love may be returning. I think it's not one-sided anymore. And yet there's still a part of me that wants to keep it in perspective, and only hope wildly when I know exactly, from him, what is going on. I know what I see and what I feel, but I want to hear him acknowledge where it's headed or give me some other sign. I want assurance that we're headed in the same direction, and together. I only want both our highest good in all this. I know I love him dearly.
currently caressing my ears: Andy's TV
general mood: bright
quote: "Don't go for the looks, it can be quite deceiving. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away - go for someone who makes you smile because only a smile makes a dark day seem bright. Hope you find that person." --Anonymous
I met an interesting soul yesterday. A Lawrence professor named John Daniel, the guest musician with Jazz Orgy at Peabody's last evening. I think perhaps he was the most lonely person I've ever met. Granted, his brand of lonely was self-described as a necessary means for navigating through society. Makes you remember that other people's situations are far less fortunate than your own, and no matter where we come from, we persist, we carry on. Life goes on, there are signs all around that that sentiment will nearly always ring true.
He discussed with me a small number of his life experiences: with his trumpet, a mysterious woman that entered his life through equally mysterious (but understandable) means, and his studies and hope for his future direction. He seemed apologetic for taking my time, though I gave it willingly and longed only to listen, no other expectation. I only wonder why he felt so comfortable with me, and I'm sure he's wondering the same as well. I hope I run into him again in the near future.
I've also thought a bit about web community profiles and how their use promotes the community's accepted purposes. I don't claim to be an expert at any of them, the social ones, the dating ones, the discussion board ones, or any other. I do know, however, that they function in making us feel accepted, desired, and I wonder how much of that we can rely on. I suspect that the 2% of ourselves present on any profile should be interpreted as such, and that one can only really get to know another through other means of correspondence, and most importantly, face to face. I have addressed this previously, but it remains an important part of any computer-savvy person's life. I prefer to keep things in perspective.
Anyway, this entry veils my true reasons for writing. I think my love may be returning. I think it's not one-sided anymore. And yet there's still a part of me that wants to keep it in perspective, and only hope wildly when I know exactly, from him, what is going on. I know what I see and what I feel, but I want to hear him acknowledge where it's headed or give me some other sign. I want assurance that we're headed in the same direction, and together. I only want both our highest good in all this. I know I love him dearly.
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