time for a new profile pic.

(literally) learning to fly

last book i've read: Pilot's Operating Handbook for the Beechcraft Sundowner 180
music currently caressing my ears: Incubus's Light Grenades, Foo Fighter's The Colour and The Shape, Timbaland, and Nelly Furtado
general mood: accomplished, contemplative
quote: Behind their lively, searching eyes one senses a doubting, a contemplative personality, always trying to make sense out of a puzzling world." --Adriaan Kortlandt

Life is so good. Ridiculously good. I've been learning to fly now for two months and a week. I love to fly. It's not as simple as that, but those are the only words I have right now for it. The X-rated version of how I feel is that flying is almost as good as fucking. Almost. In fact, going a week without flying is depressing, as is a week away from.... you know.

My primary flight instructor pretty much rocks. He's awesome to talk to, and makes me think about others before myself, per usual. My life is all about learning from others and listening intently to what they have to say. My instructor leaves a certain impression on me like no other teacher I've ever had. Professional and personal. It's all quite inspiring and makes me happy.

I haven't felt this good in a long time. I'm so very loved, by everyone around me. I hope these good times don't stop. No more reruns of the college years, reminders of what ifs, and second guessing myself. This time, I know what I want. And I'm doing it.

when your smile fades

last book i've read: The Acid-Alkaline Diet by Christopher Vasey
music currently caressing my ears: still delicious randomness, with some Atmosphere, Dispatch, Sleater-Kinney, and others
general mood: slightly sad
quote: "Anger, tears, and sadness are only for those who have given up." --Katie Gill

It's funny the moments one becomes privy to when intimate with another. There are many amazing, sincere, endearing moments that resonate throughout the beginnings of budding relationships. And much is to be said for all the good times, all the moments I live for.

But when your smile fades, despite the degree of feeling behind it, I feel a little less smiley myself. Your smile burns so bright in my memories of you. I enjoy the moments when the sun shines brilliantly in my presence. And yet, today, you showed me something far more disquieting when your smile faded. Maybe it was your anger, your clear exasperation, and your selfish storm after things didn't go your way. I was daunted by this show of frustration. It has been a long time since I have witnessed something as ominous as I did tonight, especially from a significant other. And I'm glad I haven't. But I'm not ready to start now....

I don't mean to walk in fear. I hate fearing what I love. I fear a broken heart the worst. I'm sorry I'm slow to trust. But please, don't be angry with me. I haven't dealt with it much, so give me time. I love you.