atypical chest pains and missing cornerstone

last book i've read: everything is illuminated by jonathan safran foer
music currently caressing my ears: my convalescent playlist (loud)
general mood: jumbly
quote i just thought of: "all that shimmers in this world is sure to fade away again." --fuel, from a long time ago

i went to california soon after school let out for the year. i stayed there for two weeks, and naturally i had a good time with excellent company. wayland and sister amadea are good to me, as is their mom, peggy. nice family, good times. geoff, way's good friend, was also there and helped with the move. i helped them move from their house to an apartment in palo alto - they didn't move far. i truly had a good time - lots of eating out, lots of moving boxes, and also many trips to the mall and andronico's that are now 5 minutes away. i could live there if given the chance. i wish!

while there, i acquired atypical chest pains, which required an emergency room visit at the stanford hospital. it seems atypical because even after an EKG, chest x-rays, an intern and doctor examining me, nothing came up as serious, and i was given a perfect bill of health. but, the pain nags on. i've had it for a week now, and it is still constant and painful, about a 4. aleve has helped relieve the pain, but not helped the source of pain itself. i hope it will go away, and soon.

after returning from cali, i went to chicago with the family for the fourth of july. best fireworks show i've ever seen. we also just relaxed, watched movies, ate at portillo's (a family favorite), and chilled in the hot tub. watching fireworks in chicago will probably be a new family tradition.... if i hadn't missed cornerstone this year.

i totally and utterly regret not going to cornerstone this year (muy horrible!). i should have gone, even alone. my good friends brandon and sam ditched me for their girlfriend and boyfriend, respectively. i keep thinking about all the good times i would have had, even if i had gone by myself. at least my father would have accompanied me for part of the time. but, being the girl that i am, i had no friends that agreed to go along, and believed not having friends along would sour my time. i guess we'll never know, but i can say i wish i had gone now. i definitely know better. it hurts thinking about how i missed out on such a potentially amazing time. never again, never again.

i'm glad i know who i am, what i want. enough drama and things that are fake - i know i will strive for clarity and genuine love and honesty with the people around me. otherwise i can do it by myself. hopefully it will not come to that.