last book i've read: FAR/AIM by the FAA
currently caressing my ears: the ticking of clocks, most likely blinking eights (dc ref)
general mood: confused, still in love, but brokenhearted. a tai chi sort of sinking. empty. all of that rolled into one nice little burrito.
quote: "Perhaps misguided moral passion is better than confused indifference." --Iris Murdoch
I do have it figured out, mostly. I know what I want. I want everything to be okay with Andy and me, and also for us to move forward, together, into whatever it is we're to move together into. I don't pretend to know where things are going, but I have my reserved hopes, and I know I will try my hardest to make this work. I'll be damned if I don't do that from this point on. And my word is finally good, good as gold.
I just wish I didn't feel so goddamn empty right now. I wish I could take my own advice: fuck the fears, it's time for something real. I want real, the tangible, the love so thick you can taste it. I fear that for the time being, it's pretty one-sided. But that doesn't faze me enough. I've made my mind up and I'm sticking to this one. I'm done second-guessing myself and my relationships and my choices in life. I've found someone who loves me, whom I too adore, and we're in this thing together.
Life doesn't always have to make sense at the exact moment you need it to make sense. Just relax.
29 November 2007
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