last book i've read: anything about flying
currently caressing my ears: modest mouse's we were dead before the ship even sank
general mood: withdrawn, but confident
quote: "People are never more insecure than when they become obsessed with their fears at the expense of their dreams." --Norman Cousins
Never more have I thought so hard and so long about a situation as the one occuring right now. My life is tumultuous, and the circumstances lead up to someone getting hurt. And I'm stuck in the middle. There's no solution as of yet, but Andy certainly laid out some possible ways this could go: 1. I stay with Andy, 2. I go back to Wayland, 3. I become single again. Three endings, not sure which one will occur. I've been coasting for a week or so now, but I feel the need to let Andy know the truth: because I genuinely love him, I must let him go.
It's not that he's not great; he is. And I do love him. I care deeply for him. I want what's best for him. And right now, even though he won't agree, it's not me. I am not good for him. I am selfish, I am searching, and I am unsure of what I want in life. I need my space, I need my own room to grow. But he wants me. I don't know how much of me I have to give anymore....
One step at a time, one step at a time. Maybe I should just be like Wayland and let things play out, go with the flow. I need to flow more, it's true.
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