last book i've read: pilot's handbook
currently caressing my ears: more FB playlist goodness
general mood: coping, growing
quote: "Self-confidence gives you the freedom to make mistakes and cope with failure without feeling that your world has come to an end or that you are a worthless person." --somebody smart
and,
"Since you ask, most days I cannot remember. I walk in my clothing, unmarked by that voyage. Then the almost unnameable lust returns." --Anne Sexton
A couple of days ago, I wasn't able to cope with what was happening in my world. I allowed myself to sink low enough to not feel the pain. It was nice to be in that place for a while. It helped me for the period in time. And now I've bounced back a bit. I can face new days without feeling like it's all ending. I know that life goes on.
I do feel small though. A little less of myself. With the loss of Wayland, I lost a large part of who I was and what I wanted from life: to have someone as awesome as him in it. I wonder if and when he'll turn to me as a friend again. I will not impose myself on him, and I need to know he wants to maintain a friendship before I'll ever bug him again. It really hurts that we might not ever have what we had before, a trusting, amazing relationship that we could always turn to for anything. i wish i knew i still had that.
I'm slowly returning to myself. It's good to know I can retain seeming sanity in this. Except for those moments where I feel so utterly sullen that I've lost something huge, something that defined a part of me and that affected me in the deepest senses. I will do what I can to get it back.
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