when your smile fades

last book i've read: The Acid-Alkaline Diet by Christopher Vasey
music currently caressing my ears: still delicious randomness, with some Atmosphere, Dispatch, Sleater-Kinney, and others
general mood: slightly sad
quote: "Anger, tears, and sadness are only for those who have given up." --Katie Gill

It's funny the moments one becomes privy to when intimate with another. There are many amazing, sincere, endearing moments that resonate throughout the beginnings of budding relationships. And much is to be said for all the good times, all the moments I live for.

But when your smile fades, despite the degree of feeling behind it, I feel a little less smiley myself. Your smile burns so bright in my memories of you. I enjoy the moments when the sun shines brilliantly in my presence. And yet, today, you showed me something far more disquieting when your smile faded. Maybe it was your anger, your clear exasperation, and your selfish storm after things didn't go your way. I was daunted by this show of frustration. It has been a long time since I have witnessed something as ominous as I did tonight, especially from a significant other. And I'm glad I haven't. But I'm not ready to start now....

I don't mean to walk in fear. I hate fearing what I love. I fear a broken heart the worst. I'm sorry I'm slow to trust. But please, don't be angry with me. I haven't dealt with it much, so give me time. I love you.