lonely times

last book i've written in: w's outward bound art book
some good songs: for the sad, coldplay
general mood: pensive
quote i just thought of: "my life will go on, my life will go on without you...." --joe mcghee

last night i went home for the night, only for the night. i had to say goodbye to a friend who will be leaving to go abroad for 5 months. well, i had to say goodbye to joe. and i don't feel bad writing it here, because someday he will be famous. he did a live acoustic show last night, his last for a while. it was fantastic. i haven't been to a live show in forever, and that was what i needed.

i also saw s. such feelings of sadness and desire and longing for my friend again. we're always too busy to talk, always gone. and i'm sick of those reasons. i'm sick of fake friends and lies and "i'm just too busy." and there's so much to catch up, so much i don't know. thanks for telling me....

i was emotional when we said goodbye. it was hard, i will miss her like she'll never know. it's been a really hard year for me, and saying goodbye to her again didn't help. it's sad to think that i may have emotional problems, but i need to deal with this monster that keeps eating away at me and won't let me live. i'm sick of not living.... not really living. i felt alive with my parents, and always with w, but those times are few and far between. i miss the substance i used to have in my life. there's something missing.... and i can't find it. don't even know what i'm looking for....