missing you's the hardest thing to do

last book i've read: rereading Ruiz's The Mastery of Love for only like the fifth time in a year
currently caressing my ears: a playlist of sad songs I made this morning - missing you's the hardest thing to do
general mood: nostalgic, content
quote: "Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart." --Washington Irving

I am surrounded by love. This last week I dipped into a depression I haven't felt in years. I felt low, small, useless, and mostly loveless. That my love was all wrong and hurt and that I only wanted to make things feel good again. It included being haunted by love past. I felt like I could never do anything right, and like I kept screwing up the most important parts of my life. On top of that, work was kicking my butt, I was away from my newest crush after leaving the east coast, and I kept dreaming of things, people, and places far away from where I live now. I was thick in nostalgia.

But I've let it go again. Let go of the feeling like I'm screwing up, and just realizing that it is what it is. Rereading Ruiz is always a good life choice, and the people I surround myself with continually give me a firm foundation to fall back on, a shoulder to cry on, and a kind word to build my poor low soul.

I reconnected with Andy post-tour, he reminds me of why I became healthier and also of how sensual I am; not sexual, but truly how I rely on my senses to guide me. I've spent more time with Tony, who derives as much pleasure from music as I do, who I have an unnatural spiritual connection with, someone I find ease being around and talking to. We're peas in a pod. :) He goes to watch Jazz Orgy with me, and we chat about anything and everything. I love finding kindred spirits.

On an observatory side note, why is that everywhere I go, I find someone I want to share my soul with? Not just ordinary men, but men I am so very intrigued by. I am glad to spread my warmth, sharing's always been my thing.