Ouch

last book i've read: Life of Pi by Yann Martel
music currently caressing my ears: still Gnarls Barkley, The Editors, Razorlight, and now Bloc Party
general mood: contemplative

I'm all jumbly inside. It's very difficult to know exactly what I'm thinking and feeling about my relationship at this time. I'm confused, I'm lost, I'm lonely, and yet I keep hoping things will change. I don't know if things will get better. I really don't see how they can't, I'm at the end of my rope. Perhaps things could get worse. I just hope it doesn't come to that. I guess I'm hoping for a miracle. I don't do long distance relationships, and it's taking a toll on me. I don't know whether to laugh or cry, crying seems so much easier in the face of this bitter pain.

He's born a liar, he'll die a liar
Some things will never be different
Three out of five, three out of five (it's not enough)
Six out of ten
Better luck next time
Just like his Dad, just like his Dad (the same mistakes)
Some things will never be different
Are you hoping for a miracle?
--Bloc Party, Helicopter

Unless there's a big change, a big compromise of things, then I forsee continued heartache and frustration. Damn, love really is for suckers.