Changes

last book i've read: Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates by Tom Robbins (a favorite author of mine)
music currently caressing my ears: Gnarls Barkley, The Editors, Razorlight
general mood: contemplative
quote: "Be the change you want to see in the world." and “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” --Mahatma Gandhi

I wish that I could take people at face value. Or maybe I just wish I people did what they say they'll do. I'm sure we've all encountered that friend who makes empty promises: we'll see each other, we'll hang out, we'll do this and that together. Hey, I'm just encouraging honesty. Don't say things you don't mean, don't make promises you don't intend to keep. Then I can get on with my life. Thank you.

Life changes so quickly. In a matter of seconds, things can be so different. Take for example my nine-year-old cousin, Ariana. She was spending time with her sister and her friend. They decided to visit another friend's house. This second friend was someone they were meeting for the first time, and she also had a dog, medium-sized. The dog kept barking, not growling, but seemed okay to pet. The girl told my cousins that her dog had never bit anyone, that it was usually a very nice dog. Lo and behold, my cousin is the first victim of this seemingly nice dog. Ariana was bitten in the face, left with a huge tear from her lip up her cheek. She was rushed to the hospital and received 10 stitches. She will not only have the physical scar for her life, but the newfound fear of seemingly nice dogs. It breaks my heart to have innocent people go through this kind of shit daily, I just don't understand it.

On another tangent, why do Americans insist on independence from family, friends, and loved ones? Why do we think moving away from home and living on our own can be the greatest thing we'll ever experience? Why is dependence on love and financial help and social interactions projected as weak in this society? Another reason I can no longer stand this country. I was watching an orientation video for my newest job at Lutheran Social Services where a high-functioning mentally-ill person said her greatest wish was to live and exist on her own, without help from the people she had come to love at LSS. Why would someone want to leave the relationships one has gained just to claim "I've made it on my own"? Why do we value such loneliness, such weak shows of bravado, such enamored selfishness? I'll never understand the contradictions and ass-backwardness of the American culture. Despite growing up in it.

The bottom line is there is a lot I don't understand. However, a great deal more I wish not to understand. I know who I love and who loves me. I know who is willing to stick it out for me. That handful of people are the ones I care about most. At least I know what to live for.