Mind Your Peas and Cues

last book i've read: House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski (taking a crack at it again)
music currently caressing my ears: mostly Jewel, but it's John Reuben at the moment
general mood: accomplished, optimistic
quote: "I began to see that loneliness is neither good nor bad, but a point of intense and timeless awareness of the self, a beginning which initiates totally new sensitivities and awarenesses, and which results in bringing a person deeply in touch with others in a fundamental sense." --Clark E. Moustakas

Sure, I'm doing fine. But today, I was feeling things, not happy things. It's so strange when you try to do something, and you try, and it just falls apart. And it becomes worthless. It's hard to feel this way. I'm pretty sure I don't have any mental or psychological issues, maybe a little depression here and there, but overall, I'm okay. It's just that I'm what you'd called a "vulnerable" person. I'm sure I'm not the only one, but god, vulnerable hits home like no other term. I guess I'll own it then, because it describes me so well. For example, "i wish i could say i was over it and really mean it. cuz hurting doesn't stop with words...."

I enjoy going out for coffee, especially when I find the thermos of my dreams. Thank you Starbucks, despite selling out and buying coffee beans for far less than their worth. I'm sure I overpaid for the thermos, but it sure is gorgeous. Didn't think a thermos could be beautiful? Go to Starbucks then, see their new Valentine's product line. It's so colorful, and it's perfect. Functional and it reeks of my taste. It's lovely.

Oh, I just realized. You don't have to worry about Wayland and me; that is all fine. Some of my recent away messages made Heath, for example, worried about our relationship. No, everything is fine with Wayland, it usually is. He's stable, there, catches me, carries me, and any other sappy thing you can think of. Without him, I'm pretty sure I could be deep in depression. No pressure or anything.... but I love him dearly.

I'm hatching Valentine's Day plans. Not just for him, by the way. Oh, we'll see what I get around to and how much stuff costs, but if I have money, I'll spoil whomever I can. I love Valentine's Day, even the times I've spent it alone.