Compassion and Proof

last book i've read: Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak and The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf
music currently caressing my ears: Our Lady Peace, yum
general mood: determined, alone
quote i just thought of: "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." --The Dalai Lama

Finally moved into my single in Kohler. Man, is it nice to have a room to myself. Roommates are cool and all, but nothing beats a nice quiet evening with myself. Not that I don't love company, don't get me wrong! I hope to have plenty of visitors. Hopefully I can dupe a few into visiting....

Classes start the 21st, ugh. I guess it had to start sometime. Maybe the school year and extra term will go by quickly, as it usually does, and I can figure out what to do with the rest of my life after Lawrence. I have dreams of British Columbia, or Mexico, or at least joining an activist group and doing some wild things. But, gotta graduate first. Senioritis so soon? Damn. Perhaps drinking will fix that.... it'll be good to get out with my friends again.

I'm listening to a song that's screaming "we're all innocent..." Funny how that goes quickly. I admire my 8-year-old twin cousins and their courage, but also their ability to have no inhibitions when it comes to self-worth. They know they're loved, they don't have to question it. Being young garners attention, and they are sure good at basking in it. I miss that. Miss not thinking about things as much as one does. God, I'd give anything to help the billions of people in poverty, to get rid of Pres. Bush and his lame excuses, to somehow figure out the system and work with it instead of against it. But wouldn't want to cop out either, who wants to be like everyone else.... all I want are people I can relate to, people I can be with, enjoy this time on earth with. That's pretty much it. Simple, yet there must be something wrong with me when all I love seems to go away.

My great-grandma died Sept. 8th. She was old, 90-something, so we all knew it was coming. It just hurts all the same, not having that person to talk to and visit with. I spent a few days contemplating life down at her farm two summers ago. She made awesome homecooked meals, and I'm glad I did that when I did. However, it's proof that innocence is lost. Thorn to my side, it never goes away. Loss and losing again. Welcome to real life, the real world. We live, we love, we lose.

Hopefully I can get over myself and my sorrows and move on, do something right for a change.