broken

last book i've read: a naughty one
songs on itunes i've been listening to lately: frail by jars of clay. also their album if i left the zoo. good stuff.
general mood: lethargic
a quote i just thought of: "the stars appear every night in the sky. all is well." --the most ridiculous fortune i have ever gotten. it does not tell me anything at all. it's as good as saying "the grass is green, except where it is brown." (courtesy of b, you know who you are)

i broke down today, while on the phone with w's psychologist. it seems to be a frequent thing these days. i'm sick of feeling like poop for an hour out of every day. avoidable, strongly disliked, and disgusting. and a failure. "i'm so lonely i don't even wanna be with myself...." i'm glad this school year ends soon. cuz i can't take much more. "if i get rejected one more time, i'll kill myself!!!" well, perhaps i won't go that far.... never.

anyway.... i'm starting to feel like l lately. it's getting old, this whole trying-really-hard-just-to-get-by business. kinda glad i'm not the only one, though this state is not at all who i am. i cannot be depressed. i hope i'm not. i could be. how do i stop this?

remembering high school days with blaring car radios and singing at the top of our lungs for 30 minutes, at least. remembering when social interactions were just as important as book work, and certainly far more rewarding. remembering old houses and kittens and catching frogs. (cheesy, i know. but at least i remember good times....)