from bad to really really really really really....really bad

last book i've read: human nature and conduct by john dewey
cd in rotation: gipsy kings's greatest hits, rolling stones's london years, and switchfoot's beautiful letdown
progress in classes: i don't want to talk about it.
my general mood: more than depressed
random quote: "you're the bravest person i have ever met." --w.

yeah, sure i'm brave. but here, they don't reward bravery. they reward good grades. i realize that i work so hard just to get by. i'm so sick of getting by. i'm so sick of this....it hurts to think about it.

i was not accepted to the london program. let's face it, i was rejected. man, it stinks. i hope, i hear people say "oh, everyone gets in....", i hope some more, and then i get this. what a way to end the term. but there are also a lot of good things to come of my rejection. i now get to room with my good buddy s and i don't have to worry about housing, and i also don't have to spend a bajillion dollars, since london's euro is worth $2, and that's darn expensive. it's just horrible timing on the international house's part, and it couldn't have been more horrible. this whole situation reminds me of my high school senior year, the first few months of spring when i was very depressed and resigned to not doing much of anything due to numerous failures piling up in my life. it gets so old. i'm glad it's the end of the term, because i don't want to function right now. i wish for better times than these....but those times are far away.

i just want this year to end. i'm debating transferring, but i've been saying that for a while now, and i still haven't done anything about it. this may be the final straw, the catalyst to finally leaving an education that rewards the final outcome, and not the effort nor the time spent. if there were awards for such things, i would be a better person indeed. you could say i'm giving up, because in many ways i very much want to, but i just can't....i wish i could give up. i'm really not who i thought i was. (courtesy of w also)

so, as a huge welcome to sad days, ice cream, and lonely times, i recommend radiohead and ethan durelle. i know i'll be listening.