feels like one of those days. it's been one of those days for a long time now. and it's not pretty, either. so i'll stand before you, tired and angry and destroyed. cuz that's how it's been for awhile now. i'll pretend it's ok, you'll tell me i should try a little harder. i'll tell you i'm just celebrating my mistakes. and you'll tell me i should get a new line.
i shouldn't try to so hard to do well. cuz i don't do well anyway. i talk, i listen, i ask and yet i get nowhere. i'm stuck in this same hole, day after day. could you give me a hand?
24 October 2003
11 October 2003
no one said this was gonna be easy
i'm tired. it's simple and as easy as that. i'm just tired. it's only the end of the second full week at lawrence, and i'm so exhausted. but i guess that's why i'm here, to stretch myself thin and see how far i can go....
i'd say that even though i'm tired, i'm doing well. i have an a- so far in developmental psychology 265. but, that's only after one lab assignment. we'll see after the first midterms how i'm doing then. hope it stays an a. i'll be proud of myself for once.
sometimes i wonder if the things i do mean anything to anyone. yeah, of course there's always s and w and b (my parents too!) to make me feel good about things. they are so good to me. but what about the other people in this world that aren't sensitive to your feelings, that couldn't care less, that don't take a second to think about what they're actually saying? will i ever talk to these girls i loved again? i'm not sure. but the thought is sad to me, and sad is that last thing i want to be right now. i'm also confused about a few important things in my life, it seems. big things. i don't know where i stand, and i'm not sure if it's where i want to stand, either. not sure if i'm chasing after bubbles. such a sad existence....
i could use a bit of reassurance, a shoulder, a hand. even if i'm not sure what i need reassurance for. (sept 2's entry is good for this moment.)
i'd say that even though i'm tired, i'm doing well. i have an a- so far in developmental psychology 265. but, that's only after one lab assignment. we'll see after the first midterms how i'm doing then. hope it stays an a. i'll be proud of myself for once.
sometimes i wonder if the things i do mean anything to anyone. yeah, of course there's always s and w and b (my parents too!) to make me feel good about things. they are so good to me. but what about the other people in this world that aren't sensitive to your feelings, that couldn't care less, that don't take a second to think about what they're actually saying? will i ever talk to these girls i loved again? i'm not sure. but the thought is sad to me, and sad is that last thing i want to be right now. i'm also confused about a few important things in my life, it seems. big things. i don't know where i stand, and i'm not sure if it's where i want to stand, either. not sure if i'm chasing after bubbles. such a sad existence....
i could use a bit of reassurance, a shoulder, a hand. even if i'm not sure what i need reassurance for. (sept 2's entry is good for this moment.)
01 October 2003
ghosts of old
i recently received a letter from june. she told me she missed the friendship we had and it touched my heart to read those lines. i have replied, and it appears that we may get in touch once again. it makes me think a lot about how each of us has changed since high school. i'm just happy she's doing all right. i think that things will be fine. it always nice to talk to someone who knows you well, even when you haven't talked in a year and a half. we'll see where the wind takes us....
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